Jerks Who Sit in My Seat at Starbucks

8/28/09

2009-08-29T18:23:00.003-04:00

I wish this picture had the rest of this dude's glorious rig. It includes: power strip, keyboard, mouse, printer, and random other accessories. And a huge luggage bag to tote all that shit around.

What's the point of having a laptop if your'e carrying around all this bullshit with it?

8/9/09

2009-08-09T17:32:00.002-04:00

So this guy looks like he's ready to go to Blackfinn. I guess with all of their 900 TV's they don't have internet over there. Bummer dudes.

8/2/09

2009-08-02T18:39:00.001-04:00

1 out of 5 of the world population is Asian. They are taking over my seat. Fuck.

7/25/09

2009-07-25T20:20:00.002-04:00

This went on for about an hour. Seriously.

4/5/09

2009-07-05T19:53:00.004-04:00

So this happened earlier. I was thinking about just picking up and moving all this stuff and bringing it up to the counter and saying "Hey dudes, I think someone left all this garbage in the corner" and seeing what would happen. It probably would have been really funny.

Maybe one day when I'm feeling a little more vindictive than usual.

7/2/09

2009-07-02T21:31:00.003-04:00

Sorry dudes. It's been a while, but maybe that's because people are recognizing that my seat is totally off limits.

So anyways this lady was looking at Facebook today. Old people love Facebook. What's up with that? Was Friendster or Myspace way too hip and edgy for you?

BONUS:

My friend Brian also sent me an alternate angle from earlier. I encourage any readers to contribute to this blog.

6/15/09

2009-06-15T18:18:00.002-04:00

So this guy is thinking about how badass my seat is probably. He's right, but hopefully he gets out of there soon. He's the first offender in over a week.

6/4/09

2009-06-04T20:13:00.002-04:00

This was actually happening indoors. This kind of shit needs to happen on a patio somewhere else.

I guess pointing at the men's bathroom is a pretty cool thing to do.

5/30/09

2009-05-30T14:59:00.001-04:00

Old people.

5/29/09

2009-05-29T17:07:00.003-04:00

If you lived in the wall, this is probably what I look like sometimes. Except more purple.

5/25/09

2009-05-25T17:56:00.002-04:00

Sunglasses on your head indoors? Flash cards? V-Neck T-Shirt with generic screen print on it?

I might already dislike you even if you weren't sitting in my seat.

5/22/09

2009-05-22T17:01:00.004-04:00

So today I saw the biggest set of fake boobs here. This lady was seriously displaying that shit with this cut down the middle of her shirt (I guess if you pay ten grand for something, you might as well show it off). I wish I took pictures of that instead of these goons drinking juice boxes.

Grown men should not drink juice boxes. Or wear Hawaiian shirts when they're not in Hawaii.

5/21/09

2009-05-21T13:58:00.004-04:00

I think any time there's more than 2 people sitting at a table, it's some sort of business meeting. Especially when there's a bluetooth headset involved.

Seriously, it's just an obvious ploy to feign importance, when you're really not that important. I think they should make combo packages of really gaudy cell phone accessories like bluetooth + leather cell phone wallet and bluetooth + extra battery pack case. You should get a deal if you are paying to look that lame.

It's impossible you are so important you can't put the phone to your head. Nobody needs to talk on a phone that much.

5/17/09

2009-05-17T16:48:00.000-04:00

Homework. Boring

5/15/09

2009-05-15T16:43:00.002-04:00

Chris Farley's brother made it to Starbucks today!

5/6/09

2009-05-06T16:18:00.005-04:00

Sometimes, you grow up and you realize that the children that you gave life to are huge jerks. Then you invite a friend to talk about how your teenage daughter may potentially be a hooker. Compounded with the responsibilities you've taken on, the only salvation is in that Frappucino that you just bought. Then you put the cardboard beverage sleeve on your frozen drink because it's just too cold. I hate people who abuse the purpose of those things.

4/28/09

2009-04-28T20:23:00.004-04:00

Highlighter: Check
Messy stack of papers: Check
Non-descript navy cap: Check
Matching navy hoodie: Check
Michigan T-Shirt: Check
White leather shoes: Check

Sounds like someone who did not get to go to the college of his choice.

4/26/09

2009-04-26T16:26:00.003-04:00

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. When the weather gets nice, jerks totally like to sit around outside so it's a winning situation for me. Sundays here are always kind of weird, there's always a bunch of people sitting around doing absolutely nothing. They are totally biting my style.

Well anyways, let's get to the perpetrator at hand. This girl thinks it's still cool to write in a diary. Who still does that anyways? Diaries are totally for lonely pre-teenage girls who still feel the need to complain about their feelings. In most cases they will read these logs of feelings and unicorns and such in the future and realize that how they felt back then really doesn't amount to much now.

See you in 20 years lady.

4/9/09

2009-04-09T20:12:00.002-04:00

So this is the first time I've seen this dude in here in a couple years. I assure you that nothing's changed and that there's nothing interesting going on outside. It's just the return of crotch rocket/bike night in town. Pretty lame I guarantee it.

4/8/09

2009-04-08T13:22:00.002-04:00

I think Tad is looking for a job. Someone please employ him so he'll never have to be here again with his mountain of garbage.

4/6/09

2009-04-06T16:23:00.002-04:00

Awkward stretch. I also overheard that this dude is named Tad. What is that even short for?

4/3/09

2009-04-03T14:07:00.004-04:00

So I don't know what the deal is with this guy. He comes in sometimes and always has a computer, paper, and a stack of DVDs. I have no idea what he could be doing. I mean seriously, if he was just ripping DVDs he wouldn't need a notebook to take notes. Either way, he stole my seat.

4/2/09

2009-04-02T14:08:00.005-04:00

So this guy kept looking out the window for someone. They never showed up and he left. At least his sunglasses were on top of his head instead of behind his head. I don't understand how that style of sunglass wearing ever got cool.

3/27/09

2009-03-27T11:29:00.002-04:00

On a beautiful day like this it's nice to know business dudes can look deeply into each other's eyes and make a deal.

3/25/09

2009-03-25T16:40:00.002-04:00

I cannot sit in my seat because this girl needs to talk about her life and put her hair into a ponytail.

2009-03-20T17:26:00.001-04:00

I think these broads are doing homework. They're also speaking in a foreign language. I guess foreigners just don't know any better.

3/20/09

2009-03-16T13:52:00.002-04:00

Pictures of people in the middle of eating are pretty funny. Not pictured (highlighter, homework, and other lame stuff)

3/14/09

2009-03-14T18:34:00.002-04:00

These dudes are so serious. Especially about stealing my seat.

3/4/09

2009-03-04T17:53:00.004-05:00

This very square shaped man totally switched seats with this lady. It's good to know square people have good taste in seating arrangements like asian people.

2/27/09

2009-02-27T17:44:00.004-05:00

One thing that I've never really understood is why you would sit right next to someone instead of sitting across from them. In this case, it appears that there is actual work being done but I assure you there is not. This is just one of those awkward situations in public cleverly disguised as a business meeting.

2/26/09

2009-02-26T19:01:00.004-05:00

I'm pretty sure this dude is just the worst. He knows what's up, yet he still sits in my seat. I'm tired of blogging about him. I'm giving him way too much face time on here.

2/18/09

2009-02-18T18:04:00.003-05:00

I hope this isn't a date, cause it's pretty lame. They're both wearing track pants. Seriously who goes to the gym and then decides coffee is a good idea?

2/9/09

2009-02-09T18:50:00.002-05:00

What's up with highlighters. I've highlighted things in books, but I've never actually gone back to review my highlights. It's kind of like coloring, but on a more adult level.

2/8/09

2009-02-08T17:35:00.004-05:00

I've never seen this girl in here ever before in my life, but I didn't know people actually bought those crappy colored Dell computers in order to use Photoshop. You are a noob.

2/5/09

2009-02-05T16:51:00.000-05:00

Get a job!

2/3/09

2009-02-03T16:15:00.001-05:00

Spring break! Woooo!

1/31/09

2009-01-31T17:20:00.003-05:00

Hey guy, I'm really tired of you. You're kind of lame and you need to find somewhere else to sit.

1/30/09

2009-01-30T17:06:00.005-05:00

So these old ladies are talking about make up or fashion or something. I know for a fact there is a fashion magazine apiece on my table and they are taking turns between reading articles and commenting on them. Unfortunately it's not Cosmo and they're not talking about how to achieve the "best orgasm ever". That would be really entertaining, but highly inappropriate. Even though there's been way more inappropriate shit that I've witnessed within these walls before.

Actually, I think they're talking about face cream. If you had just gotten into their conversation you can deem that as inappropriate.

1/29/09 Part 2

2009-01-29T17:10:00.003-05:00

So, just as I was getting up to move and reclaim my throne, this fatty decides to just blow past me gathering all my shit and sit her fat ass in my seat. Then the #1 seat stealer in the whole place decides to pop up and join her.

This is serious business.

1/29/09 Part 1

2009-01-29T16:16:00.004-05:00

Light blue shirt: √
Khaki pants: √
Business meeting at Starbucks: √

This is one of the worst things that happens at Starbucks. People who should be at their offices conducting "power moves", but are instead wasting space inside Starbucks. I think the only thing that's worse is the people who thing Starbucks is a church.

1/26/09

2009-01-26T18:34:00.001-05:00

Ugh.

1/22/09

2009-01-22T17:02:00.004-05:00

So today I walked into Starbucks to find this going on. It was fine I cause they were just chit chatting, usually meaning they are going to drink their coffee and leave in 5 minute which was the case. Too bad Starbucks ran out of newspapers, because then this happened.

And they turned into monkeys and started grooming each other.

1/20/09

2009-01-20T16:13:00.004-05:00

So we take a break from the previous guy (finally!), to bring you some kids who are studying. The kids love those Frappucinos man.

Edit: Not really studying, reading the bible. Jesus rules. I wonder if they know that I sacrifice goats in that seat to my pagan gods.

1/17/09

2009-01-17T17:38:00.004-05:00

So this guy is on the phone today. I don't know who told him it was okay for him to sit there all the time now. He also monopolized all the wall plugs. This dude is a douche. I wish i had a picture of his douche friends too.

1/11/09

2009-01-11T19:20:00.003-05:00

So chugger is back, this time minus his vest. He did however bring his computer back. At least he's not one of those dudes who has a PC but covers it up with Mac stickers. I don't know what the deal is with those people, it's like buying a Ford and putting Toyota stickers all over it. This dude needs to cut it out though, I'm kind of tired of his poor style.

1/10/09

2009-01-10T16:52:00.002-05:00

So like, dude can you finish that and just go please? I didn't brave like 12 inches of snow just to come here and sit in this seat.

1/9/08

2009-01-09T21:53:00.002-05:00

So what's up with these Friday night teenager parties. When I was a teenager, I don't think I even cared about drinking coffee. These frappacinos these days are pretty much liquified kiddie crack. No self respecting adult wants to drink that.

1/7/09

2009-01-07T13:26:00.003-05:00

Get in there buddy. Also, quit monopolizing all the power outlets asshole.

1/5/09

2009-01-05T16:33:00.005-05:00

This is how it's supposed to work when I show up people.

1/3/09

2009-01-04T18:51:00.007-05:00

So after I took this picture, the lady who is actually in my seat asked me what I was taking her picture for, so I told her I was going to blog about her sitting in my seat. Somehow, that was an acceptable answer as, she seemed totally fine with me putting it on the internet for the entire world to see. She then told me she had a blog and that she was going to find my blog and look at it. The other lady has a baby. Babies pretty much ruin everything. If I could smoke in here, there would be no babies.

So this girl was doing her homework. I'm pretty sure everyone knows how I feel about that.

1/1/09

2009-01-01T16:17:00.008-05:00

So it's New Years and here we are. We've got this guy, who's smuggling some girl behind him. I'm pretty sure they're teenagers or in their early 20's because the chick was totally talking about managing a Burger King.

The dude has no idea what's going on. If you know me, you know how I'm always looking at people's shoes. Well, this guy is wearing the worst shoes ever:

Seriously? World Industries shoes? Not only is that thing marketed to 5th graders who just bought their first skateboard at Target, but they're fucking disgusting looking. This all over print crap needs to end, as well as losers sitting in my seat.

Update: The topic of their conversation just moved onto World of Warcraft. They are talking about getting their first mounts and being total newbs. I really hope they are on a date. I'm totally corpse camping them in real life right now.

Update 2: Their enlightening conversation has now moved onto Twilight, and how badass it is. Someone kill me please.

12/28/08

2008-12-28T15:57:00.004-05:00

I'm kind of disappointed because I couldn't get a better picture of these two. I'm pretty sure they are high school drama kids. It is also highly likely they went to church today because they are dressed up. The dude is pretty lispy and hasn't come out of the closet yet. The curly haired girl will probably disown him once he does. Jesus hates gay people.

12/26/08

2008-12-26T17:01:00.004-05:00

There's actually two people in here, but they aren't the biggest jerks ever. Mostly because they shortly vacated the area after is showed up. They were talking about how cute things are though, so it was probably better that they left. I also spied a copy of Cosmo so I'm thinking that nothing good could have come from me having to sit and listen for more than a five minutes.

12/19/08

2008-12-19T15:54:00.002-05:00

Fuck you snow. I win.

12/16/08

2008-12-16T19:11:00.003-05:00

So let's talk about this guy. He is a constant thorn in my side, he's probably the #1 competition for my seat. He should probably get into an office instead of do his work here. I just don't know what his deal is cause he knows I sit there. Hopefully during the summer, I can get a sweet pic of him sitting there staring at his computer screen with sunglasses on. I don't even know how that's productive.

12/14/08

2008-12-14T17:03:00.007-05:00

Update:

So today is a repeat of this guy. He is now classified as a habitual seat stealer. He is no longer on the phone though, he's doing flash cards. Flash cards are for little kids. Who the fuck still uses those shits? My plan B seat is not available either, so no iSight picture. And seriously, if you're going to go to Starbucks to drink water, you're fucking up big time. At least buying the bottled water helps out those kids in Africa.

12/13/08 part 2

2008-12-13T22:54:00.002-05:00

Sorry dudes, today is a two coffee sort of day.

The person sitting here now is probably thinking this:
"I heard the Starbucks just got free Wi-Fi for my iPhone! Better get there so I can use it!"

Edit:

She looks pretty sad here. Maybe she was waiting for a call from her boyfriend and that's why she decided to get up all in my shit.

12/13/08

2008-12-13T11:56:00.002-05:00

At least he brought giant headphones to spare the rest of Starbucks the terrible music he's probably listening to (I have a feeling that it's Coldplay).

ps - The original picture I took of this guy was with my digital camera so it's probably way better looking. He has a "deer in the headlights" kind of look in it. I guess I'll edit this entry when I get a chance and add it.

Edit:

See what I mean? It's not like I'm sneaky about what I'm doing here. Don't be confused buddy, I am going to take your picture and put it onto the internet.

12/12/08

2008-12-12T15:42:00.001-05:00

Get off the phone and get out buddy.

12/10/08

2008-12-12T15:41:00.001-05:00

At least they're not making out.

12/7/08

2008-12-12T15:39:00.002-05:00

This dude was so massive he was covering up some lady in this shot.